KNIFE CRIME SPECIAL

Have you seen a knife? Probably. Nowadays it’s almost impossible to walk down the street without some bam waving a knife in your face.

In the past month Britain’s bloody streets have played stage to 200,000 knife attacks, involving 349,622 knives and a total loss of 4,569,832 Litres of blood (a staggering 52% of which was ‘o negative’). One startling statistic revealed that stabbing accounted for 45% of all activities conducted by Brits.

As usual The Tangent has the solution, a simple, full proof solution. The answer is to arm every innocent law abiding citizen with a bigger knife than the knife carrying hoodlums that bring terror to our streets.

Campaign ‘Call That A Knife?’

If the thugs knew that the people whose lives they are out to ruin were packing more heat than them they’d soon lay down their weapons and call for an armistice. They’d probably also lay off the skag, stop listening to boom, boom, boom music and get a good honest, back breaking job. National service would be a good idea too, with hanging for those who refuse.

The Tangent is aware that these measures may be seen as a bit ‘right wing’ or ‘draconian’ or ‘bat shit insane’ by some quarters. But to these quarters we say, sometimes the only way to fight fire is with fire, the only language some people understand is violence and you can’t get better than a Kwik-Fit fitter.

Contact: news@TheTangentNewspaper.co.uk