Newcastle United have got one step closer to ending their trophy drought by being relegated from the Premiership to the Championship. Bookies made The Toon Army favourites to lift the 2009/2010 MDF/Polystyrene Championship Trophy. Kevin Keegan is reported to have said, "I will LOVE it... LOVE it... if we can beat the likes of Cardiff and Doncaster to the trophy next season. LOVE IT."

As Newcastle's relegation was confirmed, Sky Sports, who labeled United 'The Entertainers' in the mid 90s, released a statement marking the end of a tedious relationship, "We at Sky Sports would like to wish Newcastle United all the best. They entertained us all the way. Through the 90s we were thrilled by their cavalier yet disastrous approach to the concept of defending. In 1996 we were thoroughly entertained as they surrendered a 12 point lead at the top of the league. And they entertained us to the end yesterday by providing the stage to watch fat topless Geordies cry like little girls."

"But all good things come to an end. It's with great sadness that we end our association with Newcastle but the level of football in the Championship is so awful we won't be showing many games from there next season. Not even Setanta would. And they show Scottish football."

There is expected to be an exodus of players from Tyneside due to the financial restraints the club will be under. Big name underperformers like Michael Owen and and... well that's it really... are expected to draw the attention of bigger clubs that can offer a better standard of football. So far Hull City, Stoke, Bolton Wanderers and Sunderland are interested.

Newcastle legend Alan Shearer was optimistic about the club's future. Shearer, who is often mistaken for Jesus by Newcastle fans, was brought in as manager when the club was already in 'deep relegation do do', as football experts call it. "There's one thing you can't take away from Newcastle fans and that's their stupidity. Education didn't do it and neither will relegation. Look at me. I turned down the chance to play for Manchester United to play here. And as long as Newcastle fans are stupid we'll have 50,000 season tickets holders and sell 100s of thousand of XXXL replica kits and that will keep the club going financially."

"It's not so bad being in the Championship. When I were a lad this league was called the Second Division. Now that would be a miserable place to be. Then it became the First Division when the Premiership was invented and now it's the Championship. We're hoping the Premiership changes it's name to the Monopolyship and then the Championship can become the Premiership and Newcastle United will be back where they belong."