QUEEN'S QUEST TO FIND MOST RACIST MAN IN BRITAIN.
The Queen's garden party guest list is set to read like a who's who of racists as the Queen is seeking to replace her current non racist jester with someone a bit more controversial. Evidence of the Queen's fondness for racism dates back to 1972 after she was seen 'guffawing immensely' at an Alf Garnett's Royal Variety performance.
Originally the Queen planned to run a 'Britain's Got Talent' type show to find the ideal racist. The decision to abandon this idea was made because Simon Cowell owns the format and would insist on being a show judge. A Royal Aid said, "The Queen doesn't like that so many pies already have Simon Cowell's greedy fingers in them, so she planned the garden party as an alternative. Simon Cowell also used to date a black women so that meant he was a big 'no'.
The garden party line up so far includes main event racists such as the Queen's grandson - Prince Harry, her husband - Prince Philip and BNP leader Nick Griffin. More racists are expected to be announced in the weeks leading up to the garden party. Jade Goody had to be hastily removed from the list after the Queen was informed of her death.
The Royal Aid went on to describe the plans for the big day. "The first round will be a debate round. To see which racist can come up with the most paranoid vision of an integrated future. After all that doom and gloom and talk of 'brown people marrying your daughter' there'll be a racist joke round to lighten the mood."
"There will also be a practical round but I can't give details as to what form it'll take yet. At first we were going to invite Omid Djalili, leave a stick sharpened at both ends somewhere in the grounds and see which racist put his head on it first. But someone pointed out that the test wouldn't be useful as anyone who'd seen his stand up act would want to put his head on a stick, never mind a racist. So that area's still under construction."
The Queen's garden party guest list is set to read like a who's who of racists as the Queen is seeking to replace her current non racist jester with someone a bit more controversial. Evidence of the Queen's fondness for racism dates back to 1972 after she was seen 'guffawing immensely' at an Alf Garnett's Royal Variety performance.
Originally the Queen planned to run a 'Britain's Got Talent' type show to find the ideal racist. The decision to abandon this idea was made because Simon Cowell owns the format and would insist on being a show judge. A Royal Aid said, "The Queen doesn't like that so many pies already have Simon Cowell's greedy fingers in them, so she planned the garden party as an alternative. Simon Cowell also used to date a black women so that meant he was a big 'no'.
The garden party line up so far includes main event racists such as the Queen's grandson - Prince Harry, her husband - Prince Philip and BNP leader Nick Griffin. More racists are expected to be announced in the weeks leading up to the garden party. Jade Goody had to be hastily removed from the list after the Queen was informed of her death.
The Royal Aid went on to describe the plans for the big day. "The first round will be a debate round. To see which racist can come up with the most paranoid vision of an integrated future. After all that doom and gloom and talk of 'brown people marrying your daughter' there'll be a racist joke round to lighten the mood."
"There will also be a practical round but I can't give details as to what form it'll take yet. At first we were going to invite Omid Djalili, leave a stick sharpened at both ends somewhere in the grounds and see which racist put his head on it first. But someone pointed out that the test wouldn't be useful as anyone who'd seen his stand up act would want to put his head on a stick, never mind a racist. So that area's still under construction."
Contact: news@TheTangentNewspaper.co.uk
Latest stories:
Toddler demands 'Where's my digger?'
12 year old described by friends as 'gaylord' after using condom in correct manner.
Benitez refuses to congratulate 'El Bawbag'.
posted by The Ed at
11:32 AM
