The Governor of the Bank of England has called for the bank to be given 'more powers' to confront its arch nemeses, including the exiled Sir Fred Godwin. Mervyn King made an impassioned speech asking to be given 'laser eyes', 'super strength' and a 'really bulging crotch'.



King compared the Bank of England in its current state to a 'church whose sermons were ignored by its congregation'. He then extended the metaphor to say the bank had a ' fixation with young impressionable boys' and was generally a 'bit bloody useless'.

"I feel like I'm Aquaman with the amazing ability to talk to sea life when I need to be more like Superman and be able to fly chicks around the skyline instead of buying them dinner."



Powerlord Alistair Darling stated earlier that the Bank of England already had enough power but he would consider supplying King with a pair of bifocal glasses to aid the transition between general purpose observation of bankers and reading.

King expressed his dissatisfaction at this and explained that he would continue to 'walk around nuclear power stations touching stuff' until he happened upon the super powers he was being denied.