Pizza chain Domino's has apologised after a video appeared on youtube showing Domino's staff farting on pizzas. A spokeswoman for the company said, "The actions of the two people involved overshadows the good work done by the vast majority of Domino's lackeys, most of whom do nothing worse than occasionally dip their cocks into the draft juice syrup to ease the burning of the sexually transmitted diseases most fast food workers carry."

Domino's have sacked the two pranksters involved and have started criminal proceedings. "We are not in the mood to forgive and forget. I'd like to flog them and hang them up by a butcher's hook, to be honest. This could seriously damage our image. When fat idiots are stuffing their faces they want to do so safe in the knowledge that the product is pure, apart from all the preservatives, industrial salt, saturated fat, artificial colourings, of course."

The mother of one of the pranksters said, "I'm utterly embarrassed by what she did. I couldn't believe it when I saw the video. I haven't been this embarrassed by my little girl since it first dawned on me my 30 year old daughter's career was working in Domino's."



Domino's were adamant the pranked food was never giving out to customers despite the video showing it being handed to customers. "Let's face it, if we gave you a pizza with farts on it we'd bloody well charge for the farts."

Ashton Kutcher has unveiled plans for a special Punk'd based on the Domino's pizza pranksters. Kutcher said, "Basically I just want to get a low grade celebrity to eat dogs seamen. Straight from the mutts nuts."