Masses of Britons are expected to withdraw their children from conventional schools as Gordon Brown has said he may consider teaching when his shaky grip on the PM's job finally gives out.

In a candid interview the PM said that he had considered quitting but decided against it as 'blow jobs just feel better when you're in power'.

In a departure from his normal, relentlessly frustrating rhetoric on banking the PM forgot to blame the USA and admitted he didn't force regulation on banks because he didn't want Britain to be different from the rest of the world. "I couldn't stand by and see Britain be the odd one out in the playground, to have the bullies of China and Japan come up and go, 'na na na na na you've only got one eye'... I mean, 'you've been regulated'."

In regards to Caroline Flint's recent statement that Brown only involves women in politics as 'window dressing' the PM said, "What does that silly little bitch know? What do any of those silly little bitches know? Too busy thinking about their shoes to know what's going on in a man's world."

Window dressing? With women who look this this?.

The interview ended before questions turned to Brown's performance on Iraq and MP's expenses because the PM started to cry a little. "You see?" he said, "I'm a bit of a fragile soul... I'm not exactly a people person... I have power but don't know how to use it properly... That only really leaves becoming a ticket collector on the trains or a teacher. And have you seen what we've done to the trains?"

Harry Robinson, a parent from some ugly British town said, "I wouldn't be too happy with that guy teaching my kid. I think he's a bit rubbish. With a Prime Minister, if you think they're going to be rubbish you just don't vote them... wait, I've confused myself. Do you vote for Prime Ministers?"

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