Police have released images of 15 ugly hooligans following trouble at last week's Manchester derby. The pictures were released to shatter the image that football hooligans are decent looking blokes, as suggested by films such as Green Street Hooligans.
A police spokesman said, "It's important that the public realise that hooliganism is not as glamorous as the movies make out. Football hooligans don't look like Elijah Wood or that blonde bloke with the ripped torso who was in that queer programme. Your average football hooligan looks like his mum and dad were brother and sister. And that's before they start knocking each others teeth out for fun."
"The images released support this and are a stark warning to any young lad to stay away from football hooliganism. We know that following someone as rubbish, say, as Newcastle or West Ham or whatever can make the idea of getting seven shades of shit kicked out of you appealing but it just isn't worth it. Look at these guys and think long and hard about the ramifications of carrying a face like that about for the rest of your life. Imagine the munts that you'd have to lay if you looked like that."
Local slag Britney McGinty looked over the images and said, "Jeez, they're so foul looking I'd maybe only do 11 or 12 out of the 15 of them. Unless I was absolutely moroculous. That said, they're still all better looking than Carlos Tevez, ain't they?"
Last week's entertaining Manchester derby has left both sets of fans eagerly anticipating the second leg. Manchester shops have sold out of lighter fluid and many fans are said to be stocking up on empty bottles and raiding their children's piggy banks for coins to throw.
Contact: news@TheTangentNewspaper.co.uk
posted by The Ed at
9:24 AM
