The wife of Northern Ireland's First Minister has admitted that she has been suffering from a mental illness which made her confuse reality with the plot from 1967 Oscar winning film The Graduate.
Iris Robinson said, "For years now I've been convinced I'm the real Mrs Robinson. On sunny days I sit in the garden sipping a Martini and taking long draws of a cigarette waiting for the young mail man to come round. When he does turn up I attempt to offer him sophisticated conversation in my most seductive American drawl but end up screeching crude obscenities in my harsh Northern Irish tones. It doesn't matter though, he still nails me over the patio furniture."
"I realise now that this has all come out I should start to deal with my problem. This has been tough on on all us, tough for me because I have to stop getting some off teenage toy-boys and tough for my husband because he has to hear about how his wife has been getting some off teenage toy-boys."
"I'm getting better now. I have accepted that I am not really the Mrs Robinson from The Graduate. I'm over it. Now if you'll excuse me I have a couple of Simon and Garfunkel records to listen to while desperately fretting that my daughter might start seeing the lad I was having an affair with."
Irish First Minister Peter Robinson has forgiven his wife saying, "God will forgive her. The God who sends plagues of locusts and floods the world. Yeah, thats the God I want her to have to ask forgiveness from."
Contact: news@TheTangentNewspaper.co.uk
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