Monday, 8 February 2010
ITV FINED FOR CRUELTY TO VULNERABLE CREATURES.

ITV have been fined after contestants on I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here were forced to open their mouths live on TV and make complete tits out of themselves, hoping to secure a fleeting record deal or a slot presenting a late night digital TV show.

The Royal Society for the Protection of Washed-up Celebrities issued the fine to ITV after it deemed that this constituted cruelty to the celebrities.  A spokesman said, "As an organisation we are here to protect celebrities from being subject to cruel and exploitive behaviour, unless it helps that celebrity become an even bigger celebrity.  We appreciate that ITV signed up people famous for being skanks, going out with a famous skank, or having sat in the same room as a famous skank at some point, but that's no excuse to inflict such cruel behaviour upon them when there's no prospect of the celebrity ever getting anything greater than the opportunity to open a new Asda somewhere in Dorset." 

Katie Price

"We've stood by and let ITV humiliate these pathetic, vulnerable creatures for years but last year's show went too far.  A celebrity should never have to eat a festering rat, no matter how down on their luck they are.  Working class people hardly ever have to eat rats, so a celebrity shouldn't EVER have too.  Remember celebrities are better than us.  Even Dean Gaffney.  And they deserve finer things and treatment."

The fine imposed on ITV amounts to a paltry £1,600 but some experts have suggested this is almost enough to bankrupt the company and may lead to ITV rehashing more seasons of money spinning shows such as Britain's Still Definitely Got Talent, Somewhere, or just resorting to rigging phone lines again.

ITV were unrepentant in their statement, "We can promise fans of I'm a Celebrity, those cruel, twisted sorts who enjoy torturing fallen stars with face hugging tarantulas an even more controversial series next time.  There'll be Hollyoaks actors eating each other's severed testicles, former boy band members fighting to the death over a meal of hog's hoofs and Toby Anstis is on the verge of agreeing to be the victim for an on screen crucifixion.  Please watch the show!  And DON'T FLICK when the adverts come on.  That makes baby Jesus cry."

Contact: news@TheTangentNewspaper.co.uk


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